Update #2

Hey guys 🙂 I thought I would let everyone know that I am doing extremely well. My surgical healing is going better than expected, but still a long recovery. About three weeks ago I got rid of the machine I was attached to for healing my wound, and since been backing it with gauze and tape. Its truly amazing to see the healing process, the wound is closer to being fully healed, but another few weeks I imagine.

I returned back to school about two weeks ago, so been very busy catching up on the month and half I missed, but I seem to find plenty of time to sim still? Haha I’m finding it hard to get into college mode now. But, I’m confident I can pass this semester like I wanted to. Will just be very busy.

I also am supposed to start chemo this coming week. Good thing is I won’t have to lose my hair this time. Seems like a small victory in my eyes. But, my chemo will be spread out among 6 months roughly. I wanted to let you know that an update for this legacy is coming soon! I just wrote the next chapter for it and plan on (hopefully) writing two more chapters of it so I can just play and write then.

Thank you for the support 🙂 Greatly appreciated.

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The Kirk Legacy 3.5

What’s that? Finally after three months? Haha yes, you’d be correct. But, hey at least its here and I didn’t forget about it? I’ve just been busy this semester. For some reason my studious efforts aren’t making a difference for some reason….but that’s not really important haha. This needed to be updated and ideas started flowing so here we are 🙂 I think this chapter is the same length as the most. Hopefully you can make it through!

Also, the family tree has been updated! Seems our boy, Leon has been busy. He is married, and has a daughter! 🙂 Go check it out for details. It seems Nadine’s suspicions were right, they got married because Sofia was pregnant. I think that’s it. Oh, just remember (in case you forgot haha) chapters are written from the heir’s POV (otherwise stated) and in diary form.

This chapter is more dialog than “diary form”. Oh, and I would note that the international events that are occuring in this chapter are not real, and not based off of anything in particular. It was just me and my creative mind. Though, if it seems similar to something, note that I did not plagiarize anything. I may have been influenced without knowing it, but did not steal anyone’s idea. Just a disclaimer.

Note: Profanity may be used, you’ve been warned. 

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Diary Entry #20: 

Whoa. It has definitely been a long time since I’ve opened this up. Its definitely a little dusty..whoops. What dad and grandma don’t know won’t hurt them right? Then again my dad swears grandma haunts our very lives since she always threatened she would after she died. Grandma did have a sinister sense of humor at times. But, that’s not important at the moment. This diary is about me right? Err supposed to be anyway…I might have to recap since the last entry. As you know, me and Cale have broken up. Its been about two months now? Good riddance is all I have to say. Hopefully whatever girl he’s bossing around is for him. You also know that me and An have decided to plan another trip as soon as possible Simchina. Fortunately, its already taken this long. Two months. I haven’t been known for my patience so I’m starting to become more antsy everyday. 

“Ugh, why are there no listings about traveling aboard yet!” anger gritting through my teeth

“I’m sure there is a logical explanation for it. Plus, you keep checking every day that its starting to drive you mad.” An explained

I really wasn’t in the mood for his proper explanations. 

“An, please do not do that right now. For once can’t you just let your emotions take over. I know you’re as frustrated as me. You just are better at keeping your cool.”

“Oh? Hehe does it really bother you that much?”

He knew how to annoy me, and yet make me laugh when I didn’t want to. Damn him. 

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“Oh is that smile and small laugh I hear coming from you Miss Ashylnn?” he sarcastically said

“Haha damn you for knowing my weaknesses. But, seriously I want to know why. This is important to me. I need to do this. I need to help those families.” I pleaded

“I know I’m sorry. I was just trying to, um..lighten the mood I believe is what you say here?”

“I appreciate it An, but I want to figure this out sooner than later.”

“Maybe you should email them? I’m sure if you showed a peak interest in one that isn’t listed, and mentioned that you’ve visited there previously it would look very good. Almost like a resume? Of course mention he activities you did for the natives and the educational purposes. I think that’s the best you can do. I can try to get some of the professors I know in the program to vouch for us.” he listed off

“An, that’s genius! But, you’d really do that for me? I mean that’s a lot of work and asking such a request could ruin your prime reputation in the program right? ” I frowned a little

“It could yes, but I love your enthusiasm about helping these people. You are truly a great person, and I want to do everything I can to help.”

“Oh, An. You’re so sweet. Thank you so much. You’re a good friend.”

“You’re very welcome Miss Ashlynn.” he smiled

“I still don’t like that title, but thank you.” I smiled back

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An of course helped me write the email. My emotions can cloud my word judgment and make me sound incredibly stupid. I was glad to have him here. Actually, I’m glad we could become friends and remain friends. I can only imagine how much of a third wheel he felt like when it was all three of us. That was completely unfair to him. But, I do remember something quite fondly from that trip. Towards the end of our journey, when he mentioned the rising tension among the different cultures in the region. Not much coverage has been done by our media yet, so I don’t know much about the current situation. Sadly, only people really listen and care until it becomes too late.  I wanted to ask An since I’m sure he’s kept up with it daily. I could only hope I wasn’t crossing any lines. 

“An, remember when you mentioned the rising tensions among the people of the differing cultures throughout the region?”

“Hmm? Oh yes. I do remember. Why do you ask?”

“Well, curiosity may have killed the cat, but just how bad is it over there? I drew back, afraid to know the actual truth

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“Ahh well you know you don’t have to worry about that right?” he fake smiled

“An. Please. I know you’ve been keeping up with it, I can see it on your face. Just like me, you aren’t a good liar. This concerns me. Not only as an citizen of this world, but if I’m going to be granted to travel there, I need to know the situation and be on guard.”

“You’re right, I am not a good liar. I have been keeping up with the Chinese news because I’m worried about my parents and family members. So far, it hasn’t reached anything to be too hostile. But, I’m afraid to say that I think things could change quickly.”

“What is going on there that could bring about such change?” I frowned again

“Sadly, its the conflicting cultures as I mentioned before. But, that’s only scratching the surface. The problem is, the surrounding regions are rich and booming with industry and population growth. The region we went to, is in the center of those regions and the weakest link if you will. The pressure is being applied for them to go from a traditional farming community to an industrious economy. And as you mentioned before, that would bring devastation to the families. Their only knowledge is on how to use the lay of the land. So now what’s happening is, that there are politicians and wealthy business moguls form the other reasons invading the current region. They’re devising plans to change the economy drastically. As for as I know is that they’ve won over the current government governing with the promise of wealth and prosperity so big changes are underway.” he rendered

“What? Are you serious. They can’t do that.”

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“Yes I know. Its just hard to talk about. The sad part is I’m not even done yet. The locals have finally caught on to their schemes and have started to revolt, but have failed miserably. Many lives have been taken. The opposition is using brute force to make sure everyone is on their side, and that means bringing troops in to make sure they swear allegiance to the new ideals of their government. But, their government has been brainwashed by money and really its the wealthy business leaders calling the shots. This has scared everyone.”

What a tragedy. I couldn’t believe what An was telling me. How horrible can these people be? Taking innocent lives. Simply should not happen. These people need someone to help them revolt. Being scared for their lives just to live where they’re people started on the land and have survived using that very same land. I could feel tears starting to swell up in my eyes. I may not know what that’s like from a first hand experience, but I could feel their pain. Their cries for help. 

“That’s so sad. I couldn’t imagine fearing my life like that. To live in my own home but afraid of dying at the hands of my own people.” I whispered

“Please don’t cry Ashlynn. I don’t think I could bare to see it.” An frowned

“How can’t I? Its so sad. All I want to do is help them but yet I feel so useless.”

“You can help them, and you know what? We will help them. We will make it there one way or another. We may not be an army, but two people can make a difference in some way.”

“What? I’ve never heard you talk so confidently like that An.” I was very surprised

“I think you’re braveness is starting to wear off on me.” he chuckled pulling me into a hug

“Haha, well good. I’m glad someone appreciates my personality.”

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Diary Entry #21:

Some things did happen with the family! My aunts Delia and Taryn got married recently. My dad always told us how grandma and grandpa told them their careers are important so that’s what his sisters did. They focused on their careers before having men in their lives. Now in their older age, they’ve found their prince charmings. I think its bittersweet. Aunt Delia married a Chinese doctor she’s worked with for years, Wei. Aunt Taryn married a local man she has known since high school apparently, Marlin Beamer.

Hmm what else, oh! I’m sure you remember me mentioning my brother Leon getting married to some woman? Well we finally met her. She’s very nice despite her looks. Her name is Sofia. And my mom was right, she was pregnant that’s why they got a shotgun marriage. They had a beautiful daughter, her name is Angeline. Such a pretty name for a pretty girl. Its weird seeing Leon as a dad. He’s so good with her though. I’m sure having three younger sisters helped with that. Actually its weird knowing I’m officially an Aunt myself. Doesn’t seem possible haha. Angeline looks just like Leon though, its crazy. She has his nose and our family’s famous dark blue eyes. Thanks to Grandma. She has her mom’s bright blonde hair. Definitely glad I can call her my niece. Lastly, my sister Violet has a boyfriend! His name is Willard I believe. We think he’s a little bit older, and my dad is a little concerned about that. I could care less about that. I’m happy for her is all. 

I guess I should mention that its been about a month since I sent that heartfelt email. An hasn’t been around lately to tell me anything about it. He’s been busy with many of the other international students. Funny though, in a way I do kinda miss him being around. He lightens up the mood when he’s around. But, out of the blue yesterday he did call me so we could talk. His tone was a little unsettling because he was so serious. Made me nervous about what he had to say. 

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“Hey, glad you called.” I let out a little smile

“Sorry its been so long. Been busy.” he replied, avoiding eye contact

“Is something wrong?”

*sighs* “Yes and no. I’m going to just be honest with you. Our request was declined respectfully. I’m just very disappointed and didn’t want to tell you because I know how you would feel. I wasn’t necessarily avoiding it, but I knew it would be hard to do.”

“Oh. I see. Did they say why?” I questioned

“Uhh once again, yes and no. They didn’t go into great detail but they explained that things are far too dangerous over there, and it wouldn’t be safe to send students due to liability issues. Things have came true I’m afraid.” he grimaced

“What does that mean exactly? You know I don’t like vague answers An.”

“What that means is that they aren’t allowing outside visitors and tourists into the country through the program. Its not safe because as I told you a many weeks ago, the locals who have been forced to swear allegiance  are divided. Some have joined the opposition willingly and have killed their own people who disagree with their ideals. The rest have forced to stay indoors and fear their lives. But, by swearing allegiance and to keep safe they aren’t associated with outsiders. The government despises foreign visitors . They think we’re corrupting their people and will do nothing to stop us needless to say. Meaning if we were to go, our lives would be in great danger.”

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“Are you serious? You mean we could potentially die if were to over there?” my eyes widened at the reality

“Yes. School can’t be responsible for our lives like that. I’m sure you understand that much.” his demeanor changing

I was a loss for words. I could die? That thought radiated throughout my body. I started to respond to the fear physically. I could feel my hands become sweaty, and I started breaking into a cold sweat. My legs felt restless. It was like I was staring death in the face. It was so surreal. 

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“Ashlynn, are you alright? Looks like you’ve seen a ghost.”

Oh right. I’m still in a conversation. Glad An’s voice broke my thoughts. I started to think too much about the situation.The very scary situation I could be in. 

“What should we do? Just forget about everything? I mean. I know that’s its a stupid thing to do. Put yourself in the line of the enemy, but….but they need help. I mean An. How? What should we?…”

“I’m not entirely sure. I know how passionate you are, and I, myself am very worried. I’ll have to think it over.” he turned away

“Oh I see. I hope there is something we can do. But, if not…don’t feel bad An okay? I don’t want you feeling guilty. You did everything you could, and I greatly appreciate it. ” I half-smiled

“Thank you Miss Ashlynn. That means a lot. I’ll see what I come up with.”

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Diary Entry #22:

Sorry I haven’t really wrote for  few weeks. Guess the news An broke really shook me, and brought me down. Lately, I’ve just been moping around the house and helping my parents out. Lately, I’ve noticed how they’ve really started to age, and show their age. Its amazing how its happening before my eyes and I haven’t noticed until now. Mom’s hair has started to grey, so she’s been dying it. She’s determined to stay young as long as she can. Dad on the other hand, he’s embracing aging. He still acts like a lovesick teenager when he’s around mom. They’re more love than Leon and Sofia are I think haha. They definitely emulate something I hope you have. 

My parents have kinda forgot about me actually living here, and have been living their lives too. My mom is head chef the bistro in town and isn’t showing any signs of slowing down. Dad is still on the force, and has started to get back on doing more on-hands jobs. He’s not as scared anymore. Then there’s me. Doing nothing. I hate it so much. I need to be doing something out here, not here. I feel so trapped in this house. There’s nothing for me to do here. All I could do was be on the computer all day. Lately, I’ve been researching what’s been going on Chinese new sites and attempting to translate what’s been going on. Doing my research needless to say. Things were worse like An feared. So many unnecessary deaths. It was heartbreaking to see the images and read the heart wrenching words. These people are desperate for help, and are pleading for their lives. I can’t stand around and just watch these horrible crimes happen. 

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Diary Entry #23: 

I called An today. I had to talk to him about everything that’s been going on. I mean, Christ its been a month of no word and no action. I’m not a patient woman, and let’s just say I’m done waiting. I’m doing something whether anyone likes it or not. An needs to hear me out, and hear my thoughts on this. I may have been a scared little girl when he explained things to me, but I have my mind made up now. I  am going there. If I need to join the fight,  I will. Those people can’t fight it alone.

“You wanted to talk Ash-” he started

“First off, let me just talk and get what I need to say. I am going to help those people who need us. I don’t care if the university said no, and I don’t care if you agree or not. Its not fair that we just sit by and watch without acting. While we sit here comfortably in our own homes and fear nothing, they have to fear even leaving their damn house! I won’t stand for that.” I cut in

“Uh…um, I don’t know what to say Ashlynn. I’ll uh…”

“I’m not done An. Now, I don’t know if you’re going to help me by coming with, but you will tell me everything I need to know and want to know. I know I may sound like a bitch right now, but I need to say what’s on my mind. Plus, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about this. I didn’t just think of this overnight.”

“Are you finished?” his lips slowly turned into a grin

“Um, yeah.  Yes. I am. ” I sighed

“Well, I’ve been doing some research fro us, err and for you mainly. There is a way we can go. We just go as regular people. No one sponsoring us. Just me and you as travelers.”

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“Of course I’m sure you know how risky that is. We’d be going straight into the enemy’s den. No one will probably help us, but if we could document the things we see, then maybe we could gain more followers? At least that’s what I was thinking. I just kept thinking about the things you said, and what you just told me only reassures me in my decision. I checked and there are still flights open to travel there.” he explained

“Wait, are you being serious? We can just buy a plane ticket and waltz right in pretty much?”

“Yes. But, Ashlynn I need to stress the risk. I know you understood what I said. But, I need you to do more than understand the words. You need to know that there’s an immense amount of risk. You’re life will be threatened the whole time.  I can’t guarantee your safety. I may look like I know my around, but I have never been in any danger, and cannot promise I can keep you alive. Of course, I would like to think I could but we need to face the facts. I’m only one man, and you are only one woman. The odds don’t look very good if we run into trouble.”

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“Yes I know. That’s what I was thinking about these past few days when I was doing my own research about the events happening. I’ve  come to realize that I’d rather be out there risking my life than sitting here living it.” I smiled at how passionate I sounded

“That’s one of my favorite things about you Miss Ashlynn. You are so passionate and determined. More women need that kind of spunk like you have.” he smiled back

“But, are you sure you want to jump on the bandwagon with me? I would never want to put you at risk because of something I want. This has to be a partnership.”

“No no. Of course it will. I’m all in this as much as you are. That’s why I gathered information for us. So we could talk about it, and set up a game plan.”

“An, that’s been the best news I’ve heard in about two months. Thank you so much.” I hugged him

“You’re very welcome.” his smile widening

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Diary Entry #24:

So we made the arrangements and booked our flights. We tried to book one as soon as possible, but it was another two weeks before we would descend for Simchina. I was both excited and unsure about what would happen. I definitely wasn’t scared yet. I wasn’t sure if I should be scared from the beginning  or not. I figured it was better to stay calm for as long as I can. So far so good. I just hope that we find some answers and methods to help these people. When we landed, our jeep ride from the airport was so quiet. It was quiet, but with serenity. I forgot how breathtaking the view was. Nature here was so calming. It made me forget about all of the political dilemma’s stirring up. During our jeep ride to the town we once lived in for eight months, An told me we’d be dropped off at the same inn. The driver actually remembered us, and told us that’s where he would drop us off at. Didn’t realize we were so impressionable. Or maybe it was Cale’s whining the whole time haha. 

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“Its so quiet.” I finally whispered, taking in the scenery

“Yeah, about that.” An scratched his head awkwardly

“What, what is it?”

“We can’t exactly stay at the inn. I tried making reservations and the family who runs it remembers us, but refuses to house us because we are travelers and not natives. They could be persecuted and they aren’t about to take that chance. Soooo we’re on our own from now on.”

“Is that what the sleeping bags you brought with are for?” I raised one eyebrow

“Umm…yes. I probably should of mentioned that sooner, but I figured you were prepared for the worst. Sorry.” he sheepishly smiled

“No, please don’t be sorry. Its just setting in is all. Its always one thing to talk about it, and another thing to experience it.”

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We didn’t do too much the first day. We figured we go see the one family we focused on for those eight months. See how our improvements were working for them. If they still practiced the more modern way of doing things. I would only hope they were continuing on. I was happy to visit them again, and couldn’t wait to see the mother-son duo I worked so closely with. 

When we arrived, An told me to stay back while he knocked on the door and let me know who we were. I still found the silence to be eerie. It was still too quiet. The ponds that surrounded their home seemed to be mute. There weren’t frogs or birds chirping their songs. I felt no presence whatsoever. That’s until An came back with a frown on his face. Things didn’t look good. 

“What happened?” I gently reached out my hand

“Things aren’t good here.” he sighed

“Were they home?”

“Yes, they were.”

“What did they say when you knocked and mentioned who you were?” my eyes trailed up to meet his

“你是外地. 逃離!我們不希望你在這裡種!” An repeated what they said

I only knew one of the words, which was outsiders. That couldn’t of been good. I was afraid to ask for the full translation, but An nodded and he knew I was going to ask. 

“She called us outsiders, to get away and that they don’t want our kind here.”

“That’s horrible!”

“Yes. I know.”

“Are you okay?” I frowned

“I’ll manage. But, that was harder to take than I expected. Never thought I’d be called an outsider.” he winced

“Shall we set up camp somewhere for now? I take it we’ll have to find and make our own food, so we could fish some and set up a fire?”

“Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.”

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And that’s what we did. We found a spot along the river just outside of town, along the main road. We figured we would be safe there. We were close enough to town if we had any problems or needed essentials. But, we were hidden well so wouldn’t be easily detected. It was like living life as a fugitive on the run. We had huge hiking and camping bags we carried around with everything we would need. We went fishing for awhile, and caught as much as we could eat based on the size of fish we caught. While I did most of that, An built a fire so we could cook them up. We didn’t talk much. I felt like it wasn’t a good time to bring up some things since I knew An was hurting. We just sat there in silence and enjoyed each other’s company. 

Then it was nightfall. We both knew we had to sleep eventually and be up early morning so we could move out. I think we both were frightened at the idea of sleeping and being defenseless. Sure we had “weapons” that could be defensive, but nothing we wanted to use. An finally broke the silence and told me to go to sleep. He promised to sleep with one eye open and stay up as long as he could. Though it was comforting, I still had a hard time sleeping that night. 

Credits: An Li is a sim made by simnights, and poses used was Sweet Couple pose by berrysweetshoppe. Thank you very much 🙂

Okay! I’m finally done! As  I mentioned, lots of dialog and I actually shortened this chapter haha. Realized I took wayyyy too many pictures, so you should be proud 🙂 I hope you enjoyed this chapter, I had a fun time playing and writing it. The ideas are finally flowing and I have big plans for this generation 🙂 Just hope everyone  can handle them. The 3 month hiatus is finally over! wooo!

The Kirk Legacy 2.7A

Hello Hello again! Happy to writing another update, this one has been long awaited, and I’m excited to finally be publishing it. Also, this chapter is two parts only because I felt that the events that happen shouldn’t be broken into two individual chapters. I would say its kinda long, but worth the read I think. I still think this will be a long generation though. Just a forewarning.

Also this chapter is going to be written a little different than the usual ones. As you know the way this legacy works is all chapters are written from the founder/heir’s POV, but for this chapter (not sure if this will be the only one) the POV is going to shift midway through. I’ll put in a footnote, but just a heads up. So before the footnote, the POV is Josh still as usual.

NOTE: USE AT YOUR OWN DISCRETION. Violence is portrayed in this chapter, and I do not condone any form of violence. The events do not reflect my opinions whatsoever. Also strong language may be used. 

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Diary Entry #27:

So I’ve been waiting since my last entry 🙂 Yes, I’ve been waiting for Nadine, as I told her I would to say those three little words. Sure, some days its nerve-racking, but other days I enjoyed wooing her. She’s become less shy showing her affections toward me though. She isn’t shy or doubting herself anymore, so I’ve made some progress. I just don’t know why she didn’t realize that’s she’s a wonderful person and a man like me could love her. I’ve seen her at her lowest point, and helped her move on.I know its hard to believe, seeing my profession can be full of corruption and the way my best friend is, but I am a genuinely nice person and care about people. Oh well right?

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Spending time with Nadine is the best part of my day. She’s beautiful, funny and of course, we have good times 😉 if you know what I mean. Of course, that’s not the only reason, though I enjoy her body. I figured she’d be more shy when it comes to having sex since I’m sure her ex-husband wasn’t the “gentlest”. I can tell because after awhile she didn’t like to sleep alone. She would always just come into my bed after she put Robbie to bed.  I don’t ask because she’s forgot about him completely and I don’t want to ruin the new life she’s been given. I can tell she’s finally starting to feel happy again. 

Screenshot-9Screenshot-10 Screenshot-11 Screenshot-12The other night before one of our dates, I decided to put on the romance thick haha. My mom tells me that any girl would want to have me as their boyfriend since I put so much thought into everything. I think she’s just being nice, since she’s my mom and I’m her only son, andddd she wants grandchildren. Yeah….we won’t get into that.

Anyway, sorry I tend to get side-tracked. I bought flowers for her. I’ve never really given her anything except a new start maybe? I thought it was a nice gesture, plus what girl doesn’t like flow/ers?

“Are you ready to go?” she asked

“Whoa, hold on! What’s your rush?” I teased

“Josh, do you want me to go out or not?”

“Oh I do, but not without these first.”

“Wh-a? Oh..Josh! They’re beautiful!” she gushed

“I’m glad you like them.” I smiled

“You’re so sweet.”

Screenshot-13Diary Entry #28:

This is going to be a really short entry, but I needed to write this down. Nadine said something to me that’s been imprinted on my brain all night. In fact, I can’t sleep that’s why I’m writing as we speak, err or think. After making love one night, we were wrapped up in each other’s arms, exhausted from what felt like the first time. I could tell she was listening to my heavy breathing, as I try to clam my body back down. I could tell she hadn’t fall asleep yet. She opened her eyes to look at me, but she didn’t smile. I could tell she had something serious to say, she always does that. 

“Josh?” she whispered

“Yeah?” I said

“I know you said that you’d wait for me, but its not that I don’t have feelings for you. I don’t want you think that I’m just toying with you and enjoying everything you’ve given to me for free. I have strong feelings for you, I really like you. I’m grateful that you’re the one that answered that domestic abuse call. At first, I didn’t want to admit what my life has become, and I didn’t want you to look down on me for it. But, much to my surprise you didn’t. I wasn’t prepared for your kindness and love. Plus, you’re so good with Robbie. He’s never had that good, strong male figure in his life. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I do have feelings for you, but I don’t know if I can say I love you yet.”

“Glad to hear it Nadine. You saying that is all I needed to hear. It means I have to try that much harder.”

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I’ve been thinking about what she said. I was trying to see what it would be like from her side of the playing field, or her point of view. How would I feel if someone like me just came into my personal life and assumes I needed help. I would like to think I would of felt how she did, and would of done the same thing. But, I’m glad she has slowly opened up to me. Reopening wounds is sometimes how you heal. Even though I don’t want to hear her ex-husband’s name even uttered or eve written down. She was right about all she said. I’ve been good with Robbie because it comes natural to me. Kids are the future after all right? Look, I already sound like a forty year-old who has five kids. Jeez. I guess I’m just glad she told me her true feelings. It might not be love, but we have all the time to reach to that point. 

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Diary Entry #29:

Hey! Did you miss me? Yeah, I don’t know what I wrote that. Anyway, its been awhile since I’ve really wrote in here. Nothing much has been going on, and I don’t have much time to write in here since me and Nadine are going out this afternoon to the festival that’s going on. She suggested we go, and how could I say no? I guess I’ll have to write when we come back, and “gush” about all the activities we did. Still no “I love you”, so don’t get your hopes up just yet.

 “We should go out.” Nadine smiled

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“What?” I asked

“I said we should go out, isn’t the festival in town still?”

“You mean like a date?

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“Yes, like a date silly.” she laughed

“Well you can’t go dressed like that, I don’t want others seeing what I get to sleep next to every night.” I winked

“Oh Josh, you are your father’s son sometimes.”

“Hey! What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You never take notice on how your dad flirts and teases with your mom?” she narrowed her eyes playfully

“Uh, I purposely try not to take notice. Let’s remember I’m a result of those two, you think I like to acknowledge they flirt and tease like a young couple still?” I couldn’t help but cringe

“Haha good point.”

*About an Hour Later, at the Festival*

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“Mmm cherry is the bomb, how’s your snowcone sweetie? I mumbled over the munching sound

“Did you just call me sweetie? she asked sternly

“Uh..yeah, sorry I shouldn’t of..”

“No no, I like it. And yes, my snowcone is delicious.This was definitely a good idea.”

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“Josh, are you seriously getting your face painted like some five-year old?” she complained

“Why, yes I am good lady. How about you join me and get one too?” I playfully said

“You’re delusional. Really, if I wanted to get my face painted I would of brought Robbie.”

Screenshot-31“So you don’t like it then?”

“haha that’s what you call face paint? its not even on your whole face!?” she laughed

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“Oh really? I want to see what you would get then!” I teased

“Fine!”

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“Arggggn’t you glad to see me?” she shouted

“Haha is that pirate humor?” I laughed back

“Hehe why yes it is. This is to show you what a real face paint looks like.”

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“I can say I’m very happy to see you, with your pirate face. You look even cuter.”

“Awe Josh, we know that’s not true.”

“I think you know it is.” I whispered

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“See? its not that bad, quit your complaining!” she shouted over the rink

…………

“Wait, whoa Josh come hang onto me! I don’t want to fall!”

“How can I hang onto you, when I can barely keep myself up?” I chucked at her

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“You are such a meanie, not helping me skate.” she whined

“Oh well, you still lived didn’t you?” I giggled

“This has been a fun day, I’m glad we came.”

“Me too, it was fun to see you be silly.”

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“There’s also something else I want to say…..” she said softly

“Oh? and what’s that?” I smiled

“Josh,…I’m not sure how to really to say this..”

“I make you that nervous? I find that hard to believe.”

“Josh, I…..”

Bang! Crack!

(Note, POV is going to be shifted to Nadine, she will be the narrator)

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The loud noise scared me. All I could do was gasp and then my eyes bolted around to see the cause of the sound. Then,…then I looked down. Josh,…he was laying on the ground, face down. Blood, everywhere. He was drenched in it. I couldn’t tell if it was his blood at first. Shock was penetrating through my body. I tried rationalizing, and of course it was his blood! He’ s the one lying on the ground! It was a horrible site, I didn’t want to look but I couldn’t stop looking down at him.

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I knew I had to do something. I had to get help, but I couldn’t move. I just stared down at Josh, holding on to his life. I started to cry. The face paint on his face made me think of everything we did before this horrible moment. I thought of all the moments he held me and kissed me. Then the last thing that was burned into my mind is when he told me he loved me. 

Run. 

I needed to run, find help! I can’t help him, I’m useless! I started to run, and tears started running down my face. Its almost like I could hear my tears hitting the ground. When I moved my legs, they wouldn’t run. My legs seem to stumble around. I couldn’t keep my stance much longer. My body was going numb. “What do I do? What do I do?” Kept rushing through my head. I need to help Josh! He’s bleeding! Then I looked up. I saw him. Him. I should of known, Dan. 

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I stared at him, tears clouding up my vision but I didn’t bother to wipe them. Then I saw the gun. He was holding it by his side, he didn’t show any remorse. His face full of rage and anger. I wanted to ask why, but I knew the answer. I put my hands over my face and wept more. Everything was spinning out of control around me and I didn’t have the power to fix things. Everything was falling apart right before my eyes and I didn’t know what to do. My body was slowly dying inside, and I didn’t know how much longer I’d be conscious before I passed out. 

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Why me!? I cried out. Why! I yelled at Dan as he stood there with a smirk on his face, proud of what he’s done. He didn’t answer, he just ran away on the look out. I looked back at Josh, still lying there, lifeless. Call 911! Call 911! A voice came into my head. I ran over to Josh’s body, I knew he had a phone. I dialed 911.

“Hello, what’s your emergency?”

“I..I…my…my…Josh he’s been shot. He’s…”

“Where has he been shot?”

“I don’t know, there’s so much blood. JUST COME HELP HIM! HE NEEDS HELP!”

“Ma’am where you?”

“Central Park, hurry up! Help him! If he dies, so help me God I wil..”

“We’re on our way.”

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I went over to be with Josh. I managed to gain a little bit more composure. I was still crying, I just looked down at his body. I noticed he moved himself onto his back. Josh, don’t you know you don’t move when you’ve been hurt? But, that’s just like him. Doing anything to help, whether him or someone else. He was alive, I was sure now. He was breathing hard, clinging onto life. 

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Even though blood was smeared on his face, and he had a bruise, he still looked cute. I didn’t care if that was inappropriate to say. I need him, and anything to make me feel better at this moment I’ll take it. Everything was going so wrong. This day wasn’t supposed to end like this. I was going to finally tell him what he has been waiting for. I was going to tell you I love you, and he ruined it. I do love you, and you can’t leave me.I kept replaying the events, but I was interrupted by his sweet voice trying to talk.

“Nadine…” he whispered

“Josh! Josh, don’t talk, save your breath. You need to stay alive!” I yelled

“No, Nadine…”

“Josh, please.” ‘

“I love you.” he whispered, but than coughed violently

“I love you too Josh.” I started to cry again

I held his hand until the paramedics came. He squeezed my hand, letting me know that he was still hanging on. He was a true fighter. I don’t know how anyone could amount to him. He was amazing. I’m very lucky to have met a man like him. 

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The paramedics eventually came, and managed to stabilize him as they told me. They let me ride in the ambulance with him. They let me use Josh’s cellphone to call his parents. That was the worst phone call of my life. I felt guilty. Its my fault Josh has been shot, twice by Dan. If I would of never existed, Josh wouldn’t of been rushed to surgery to stop the bleeding. His mother wouldn’t be crying and worried about her baby. I wouldn’t of ruined his and their life. His poor mother. All I could do was look at her. Just as I feel, her life was crumbling right in front of her. 

“Josh lost a lot of blood, and we had to remove a kidney because the bullet mangled it and was beyond repair.” the doctor explained

“Okay, thank you doctor.” Adan said softly, still in shock

“He’ll be okay, I know your wife is having a hard time, but I can for surely tell you this. He might have a long way to recover, but he’ll live a normal and healthy life.”

“I’ll let her know. Thanks again.”

“My baby! Josh!” Beth cried out

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I felt so helpless. I just stared at Beth as she cried her eyes out. My tears have dried out by now, but my eyes were still puffy. I wanted to cry with her, and hug her. But, I feel so responsible. This is my fault. Josh would be living his normal life, without any drama. If he could hear me right now, he’d be disagreeing. I know he would be. He’d tell me everything happens for a reason, and that he did the right thing by finding me and saving me. He was a hard guy to argue with. But, I had to say something his mom.

“I’m sorry.” I whispered

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“What?” she asked

“I’m sorry for this. This is my fault.”

“Oh Nadine, this isn’t your fault. This is the result of a man who doesn’t care about anybody else.” she hugged me

“Then why do I feel responsible? I know that if I wasn’t there no one would of helped him, but yet I feel so guilty.” I started crying

“Don’t be. Josh knows that its not your fault, he wouldn’t want you to feel this way.He loves you, he wouldn’t blame you by all means.”

Even though she reassured me, I still couldn’t help but feel this pit of shame bubbling up inside me. Once again, I just wanted to run. 

That’s Part One! I know its kinda long, but worth it i think. I hope to get Part Two out soon! Thanks for reading 🙂

The Kirk Legacy 2.6

2.6 is here! 🙂 Excited to be updating so quickly, since we know once school starts it will be back to being updated slowly. This chapter is shorter than the other ones, but is a lot of dialogue so keep that in mind. Also, 2.7 will be broken up into two parts, lots of stuff is going to be happening. I wrote separate post about this, but Daniel Sanford and David Hertz are available for download under the Downloads tab, in case you wanted them in your game.

NOTE: Strong Language may be used, use to your own discretion. 

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Diary Entry #24: 

So things have definitely been awkward since Nadine and I’s (Can you say I’s”? ) argument. She’s been avoiding me, and I do the same to her. Its uncomfortable to even be caught in the same room with her. We each get a horrified look as if we’ve been caught doing something illegal. It’s pathetic. We don’t eat in the same room, and don’t even use the stairs at the same time. I still don’t see how this is my fucking fault (excuse my language, its a touch subject). Who reacts that way when someone confesses their feelings for you? I know she feels the same way, and I don’t know why she’s hurting herself and me by denying the truth. Its very frustrating. Not only am I guy (let’s face it, we know nothing about women, its a trial and error process for us), but she’s one confusing woman. I honestly will never know the mystery behind her, because she won’t let me in. I only want to help because I genuinely care for her. Sadly, even my mother has taken notice that somethings off between us lately. And as we know her, she has to medal in her children’s endeavors, whether that love life or not. Ugh, my mother I tell ya. 

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As I said, she’s noticed that there’s some awkwardness between Nadine and me. I saw it in her face one day when Nadine passed by me and her face turned into a disgusted look. My mom of course had a look of hurt, and frowned. I wanted to explain, but she wouldn’t understand I think, or she probably already knows since she catches on quick. She had to mention it one morning at breakfast and put her two cents in about the matter. I really didn’t want to hear it to be honest.

“So what’s this problem you and Nadine are having? I thought you guys were doing great.” she blurts out

“Mhmm.” I mumbled back

“Well why don’t you just talk to her? Tell her how you feel and why you feel this way. Let her know, its the only way she understands things. She’s never been shown empathy, so she doesn’t quite understand it. Just tell her sweetie.”

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“Ugh, mom its not that easy. This isn’t how shit works. I shouldn’t have to baby step feelings to someone! Its common sense, why would I say those things? I mean, it doesn’t take a rocket genius to figure these things out. And she should reevaluate how she reacted. I’m just sick of trying to explain myself to everyone. And I’m getting a little tired of people, such as my parents sticking their noses in my business.”

“Well excuse me mr. moody.” she mocked

“I’m sorry mom, everything just seems to be getting on my nerves, and I hate that you and dad don’t seem to think I don’t know anything even though I’m an adult. Its like just because I offered to stay here, and take over the house as you two get older, you feel the need to treat me like a child. It gets old quick.” I sighed

“Sorry sweetie, its the motherlyness in me. You know I can’t help it, I do it to your sisters too. Delia is a intern, and I’m telling her how to do her job, when really she knows more than me. I’ve also been giving Taryn relationship advice too since she’s in a situation too. Its what I do, I’m your mother.”

She had a point. I forget that she can’t help it, we’ve all seen it before. Mom’s just say what’s on their mind when it comes to their kids and significant other. Ugh, hate when I can’t be mad at her because she does make valid points. But, then again no reason for her to get into her grown son’s business. Ugh, have too much on my mind these days. Its definitely been taking its toll on me. I haven’t been sleeping or focusing at work like I should, and I’ve even taken in more hours. Its like my life doesn’t make any sense anymore. 

Screenshot-6Screenshot-7Diary Entry #25:

My mother and her big mouth. She told my dad that I had an argument with Nadine, and somehow she coaxed him into talking to me about it, and about giving me advice. Damn them for getting married haha. They have way too good of communication in their relationship, my mom can tell my dad to do anything and he’ll agree. But, then again I think there’s a side of him that’s scared shitless of my mother. I know I am. So today, I received a lecture from my father. Again, these two forget I’m a grown man, an adult for fucking sake’s! Its that so much to ask for to be treated like one? Maybe I’m just overreacting. Again, sorry for dropping the f-bomb lately, its in my normal language believe it or not haha. I know I don’t look the type to use it, but I do. I’ll try to censor, but no guarantees since I don’t know who will be the one reading this one day. Son or daughter, not sure. 

“So, Josh what’s new with you?” he smiled

“Uhh hey dad. Nothing is new really, I’m sure you’d know before I would haha.” I tried to laugh it off as if I was being interrogated

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“Yeah, I highly doubt that. Your mother already told me what she’s found out.”

“Yeah I know she would. Why did you ask then? Its really no big deal like you and her seem to perceive it as.”

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“I wouldn’t say its a big deal per say, but its important though. I know how you feel about her, and this could cause major damage in this almost relationship.” he looked straightforward

“But, dad….” I started

“But, you know I’m somewhat right. But, I know that you’re going to give up on her that easily. You’re like your mother in that nature, don’t give up easily. Believe me I’ve seen that plenty, living with you two for so long haha. I only want to help you, even though your mother did ask me too, but I know you don’t want your mom having this conversation with you haha.”

“Haha you may have a point.”

Did he have a point? Maybe. Can’t be for certain since he doesn’t have the best track record when it comes to relationships either. He’s made up for that in time, but I know mom hasn’t forgotten completely and either have I. Should I listen to what he has to say? Probably, dads usually do have good advice even if it sounds lame at times. And he’s right, I don’t want to have this conversation with mom. She makes things awkward and embarrassing. She has no boundaries needless to say haha. So, I did give him a chance to hear him out. Here goes nothing I guess. 

“We had a fight dad, err more of an argument I’d say. I’m confused as to why she reacted that way. I told her my true feelings for, and she doesn’t believe that I was telling the truth. She thinks I’m playing some cruel trick on her. That’s the main gist of it.” I admitted shyly

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“Okay, well that’s a start. I could use more details, but I shouldn’t be the one to dabble into your personal life that much even though you do live here. But, I have to ask. Did you say you love her?” he asked seriously

“I might of….but…”

“Josh, Josh. First, glad you told her the truth. No one likes a liar. Second, let’s remember what type of relationship she just came out of. An abusive one, where real love wasn’t expressed. Yes, it was almost six months ago, and yes they are legally separated, but that’s not something that she can just bounce back from.”

“I’m listening.” I leaned in closer

“Okay, well this was her first relationship ever too, so she’ll always have some kind of feelings for him. We all know that, so she has that mindset that she doesn’t deserve someone better than him. That’s where you come into play. You’re a much better than man then her ex, its a known fact and Nadine knows this, but won’t admit it. She feels bad for having feelings for you because she feels like she doesn’t deserve you.” he explained

I could feel my one eyebrow raise, as I always do when I’m thinking about what just happened. Its a look that makes me look douchey I think haha. But, that’s not the point. Surprisingly my dad made logic for once. Usually his reasoning is never valid  even though he tries hard to make you believe in them. He had a point, and he’s right I didn’t think of that. I’ve only been focusing on the present, not the past. Her past has a huge influence on her future, and I didn’t even realize it. That’s why she thinks its pity love. She thinks I feel sorry that she wasn’t treated well before, so I feel its my place to make-up for it. Of course that’s not true, but what she said makes sense now. Just hate to admit I was wrong, but still. 

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“Alright dad, I see what you’re saying. You’re right I did forget about her past, and how it impacts her relationships now. Also, everything she said makes sense now, and I can understand why she feels that way now. I feel like an asshole now not seeing it from her point of view, but its the things we do in the heat of an argument right?”

“I’d just let her cool off, and give her some space. Arguments need time to diffuse, believe me I know it all too well with you mom. Then go apologize or whatever you want to say, that sounds sympathetic of course.”

“Yeah, that makes sense.” I nodded

So that’s what I’ll do. I’ll give it maybe two weeks? Or a week of awkwardness and try to talk to her again. I might have to corner her again, even though I hate doing that. Its the only way she’ll talk to someone though. Oh well, she needs to know I”m sorry for being one-sided about everything. Plus, I want her how committed I am to my feelings despite what she feels. Will she like what i have to say? Something tells me know, but she’ll put in consideration and she’ll remember it. I know that at least. 

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Diary Entry #26:

Nothing new has really been going on lately. As i said, I’ve been keeping the space between Nadine and myself. It’s hard when I see her practically everyday, the only time is the few hours she’s gone to work. I’ve been working more, and solving more cases lately since my mind has been more clear lately. I can give some credit to Nadine for that. She’s not completely on my brain, and I’m not worrying about what I’ve done wrong for once. But, again its hard when I sheer her and the perfect moment comes to where I can talk to her. We’re finally making small eye contact now, that makes me happy. She has beautiful eyes, and she’s told me she likes mine. But, then she jokes on how it makes me look like my mom even more haha. 

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But, tonight was when I decided I’d talk to her. I woke up extra early because I know she still has trouble sleeping alone. She has nightmares about Dan, and about Robbie. She’s often told me that she just stands and stares outside the ponders about her life. She always questions why she was meant to be on this earth, and why her life has turned out the way it is. It saddened me when she admitted this to me the morning after we first had sex. It made me hold her closer, and she snuggled in closer into me. I can’t help but have feelings for her, not because I feel sorry for her but because underneath the surface she’s a complex woman, who I can’t help but like. She has so much insight on things I’ve never thought of. She’s experienced life more than I have, and we’re practically the same age. She keeps on surprising me, and I love that about her. 

*knock, knock* ” Nadine, are you up?” I whispered through the door

“Ugh, yes Josh. What do you want?” she snapped back

“I only want to talk to you, clear the air.”

“Fine.”

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She took her time walking to the door, I could hear her light footsteps on the carpet. She slowly opened the door, and wasn’t making eye contact. I told her thanks, and I slowly moved the door and walked into her room. My heart was starting to race. What would I say? How do you start this type of conversation? I had no idea to be honest, so I resorted to winging the whole thing. That’s when I felt my face turning to a frown, I couldn’t help but feel sad about everything. My lips almost starting quivering, but I forced myself to stop. There’s no need to get emotional, just tell her what you want her to know. Regardless of what she objects to. 

“Look, I just came here to set things straight.” I said quietly

“Oh? Well, I’m listening.” she crossed her arms

I wanted to touch her. I wanted to feel what she was feeling (if that makes sense). Just because she’s crossing her arms doesn’t mean that’s how she’s feeling. I couldn’t help but hug her. I didn’t care if she didn’t like it, she had to hear what I had to say. 

“Look, I realize now I was acting selfish. I didn’t put your feelings or past into consideration when I told you I loved you. I can see why you think what you do, and I want to reassure you that its not pity. Its the real, Nadine that I’ve fallen for. Its not because I feel the need to “fix” you or your life. I honestly want you in ever way.”

“Josh…”

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I moved my hands down to hers, tangling my fingers with hers. I loved holding her hands, they complete mine. It sounds clique, but its the only way I can describe it. Our hands were made to hold one another’s. I didn’t even look up, but I kept on talking. I didn’t want to hear what she had to say until I was done. 

“I know saying these words might not change the way you feel, and I understand that. But, you know that I’m the type to admit when I’m wrong. I was wrong for assuming how you felt, and for you to just jump into a relationship when you were done wrong before. But, I can’t tell you I’ll deny how I feel, and I feel like you shouldn’t lying to yourself either. This might sound douchey, but I know you have some ounce of feelings for me. I can feel it and see it.” I laid out the truth

Screenshot-29I leaned in once more, kissing he forehead and whispered one last thing. The most important thing I need her to know. This is what I want her to remember most. I could feel her body tense up as I pulled her close for me to kiss her. She was just as nervous as me, and that made me feel better. Knowing we’re feeling the same way makes me become more comfortable with her. 

“The last thing I want to say is what I’ve been wanting to say is something I want you to remember most about this conversation and me. As I said before, the I think I love you as turned to I know I love you. I’ll be honest I don’t know how to feel about me. You’re very good at masking your feelings, and I don’t mind. You don’t have to tell me or show me just yet. But, I want you to know I’ll wait for you to tell me and show me. If you aren’t ready yet, that’s fine. I’ll wait until you feel comfortable enough to tell me the truth. I love you know, and I can tell you I’ll always love you. Might it sound hopeless? Sure, but I have a strong feeling one day you’ll say the same. Maybe not just yet. I just want you to know these things because you can’t just ignore me or your feelings. Plus, this will give you things to think about since I’ll be waiting. There’s no rush. Nadine Violet Sanford, I love you.”

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She didn’t say anything, but she finally breathed. She was holding it the whole time I just admitted what I’ve truly been feelings. I couldn’t tell if that was a good or bad sign, but she did eventually uncross her arms, and that gave me some relief. I couldn’t help but stare into her light, innocent eyes, and she stared back into mine. She didn’t say anything, but a small smile came across her face and I knew she was happy to hear those words. I didn’t need her to say anything. She said everything in that one smile, and I knew exactly what she was feeling. I also knew I’d be waiting for her, and I didn’t mind. 

2.6 everyone! My favorite chapter of this generation I must say. I had fun writing it, even though I still feel like it could be better :/ As I mentioned, its was more dialogue than anything, but very important. 2.7 is going to be two parts, and dare I say lots of drama. I hope you enjoyed this chapter 🙂 Thanks for reading!

The Kirk Legacy 1.10A

Yes, another two-parter, sorry. I wasn’t going to make it into one, but otherwise this would be a HUGE update, and I don’t want to make you suffer. Also, this generation is winding down, so look for a heir poll in the near future…and the font/editing of pictures will be different because Picasa wasn’t letting me edit using Picnik tools because my local area connection isn’t connected? But if I use firefox, I have internet? Its the weirdest thing…I’m working on getting it fixed.

Also, sorry its been over a month since the last update, been busy with school, and I had some personal problems..but I fixed them. So its all good!

Diary Entry #49:

Wow its been awhile hasn’t it? Well better late than never as I say. Life’s been busy I guess. Adan still is gone at long periods at time, leaving me to single parent basically, and I just found out recently that I’m pregnant again. I know, number three?! Its exciting, except I didn’t get to share the news with Adan like I wanted to. But, that’s okay, at least he got to know about his third child.

But other than that, I’ve been being a mom and working. In fact, Josh is getting older every day, he’s birthday is coming too. He’ll be starting school soon, its so excited and sad at the same time. My little man is growing up 😦

Delia on the other hand is been busy with he social life as well. She’ll be starting high school again, I know…hard to believe. But, she’s like any girl her age. Very socialable, had quite a few friends, very studious, and actually loves school and learning. Let’s hope that continues in high school haha.

Shortly after finding out about the pregnancy I called Adan while he was out in Bridgeport with the band. Doing what “he loves” or supposedly. Yeah, whatever. Its a lost cause if you ask me. But, I think we’ve heard what I had to say throughout my diary sessions.

“Hello, this is Adan Shallow speaking.” he formally stated

“Adan, its me. Beth.” I shyly said

“Oh, hey sweets. What’s up?”

“Uhh well, I’m just calling because I though there’s something…”

“Beth, just tell me. Don’t sound so shy. Its only me.” he interrupted

“Well, I’m pregnant again. I thought you should know so you don’t get bombarded when you come home.” I admitted

“Really?! That’s great! Your wish came true, three kids baby. Can’t wait to come home and see that growing belly.”

“Oh…really? You honestly think that?”

“Of course! You know how much I love being a dad, and seeing you pregnant and being a mom.” I could tell he was smiling on the other side of the line

“Okay, can’t wait until you get home. You have to help me with Josh’s birthday.” I smiled

“Don’t worry I’ll be home in time for that, can’t miss my only son’s birthday haha.”

At least he’s thrilled to be a father again, that makes me happy and so relieved. I knew he was a little unsure about having three kids, so I was hesitant to tell him. But, I can’t wait to be a mom again, and have a little baby. I’m having empty nest syndrome early I think haha, that’s not good.

Dairy Entry #50:

Holy shit, I made it to fifty!? Wow, that’s a milestone and deserves a round of applause. I’m proud of myself for keeping up. Well today is Josh’s birthday and Adan came home in time to celebrate! So the whole family is together for once! And my belly is growing every day, I think its on steroids haha.

He turned to a fine, young man. His sister got him a hat for his birthday and he just loves it, never takes it off I swear. I can’t tell who he looks like more, me or Adan. I think its Adan genetics in his face, minus being a blondie and blue eyed like his momma. Hmm…only time will tell.

After we all sat down to have a family dinner. It seems ages since Adan has sat at the dinner table with us, it felt so weird…almost awkward in a sense. Its like he was a stranger, and we didn’t know what to say to him. Thank goodness for Delia and her talkativeness.

“Mom, do you know what you’re having?” she asked

“No I don’t actually, I’m keeping it a surprise. What do you want it to be?” I replied

“A girl of course. I would love to have a little sister to play with.”

“Hmm well fifty-fifty chance, so you might be in luck.”

Adan didn’t chime in at all. He just ate and then stared at the wall, it was kinda disturbing. Its like he wasn’t really with us. Probably thinking about work and getting all of his ideas now, so when he leaves again he’ll be ready to go.

Diary Entry #51:

Adan’s left again, but that doesn’t mean the house is quiet. Oh no. Mr. Joshua David makes sure our house is up and alive. I swear, he is the loudest kid I’ve ever seen.  Videogames are one of his many passions, as any boy his age. He doesn’t hold back while playing either. If he’s mad, you’ll know..or if he’s winning, the everybody’s winning.

Delia and him play often. You know how sibling rivalry can be. Except, Josh wins most of the time and then we have to hear Delia’s complaints because then she gets vocal. Its a loud party basically. They win, they cheer, they lose, they complain, they jab eachother, and then they fight. Its a great cycle.

But, Josh isn’t all about making sure his voice is heard. He is a serious guy underneath all that energy believe it or not. He likes to play chess. He told me he likes the challenge and the problem-solving aspect of it. He’s quite good too. Not only at playing, but putting on a game face. He gets it from his mother haha. I’ll proudly admit.

“Delia says you’re having a girl, is that true?” he asked

“What? No….I don’t know what I”m having, its a surprise. She just thinks and wants it to be a girl. Don’t listen to her.” I explained

“Oh..what do you and dad want?”

“We both wanted another boy.”

“That would be cool!” he yelled

“Haha not so loud Josh. But, yes it would be. Just don’t tell your sister.” I chuckled

Josh is really into reading and keeping up with current events as well. He reads mostly mmysteries, especially murder msyteries, I told him he shouldn’t read them, but who listens to their mother anymore. He reads the legal section in the paper usually, and the front page. He’s very interested in crime and policework. He’s an interesting child, but then again he is mine haha.

You can tell he’s mine because he’s a huge mama’s boy, which I have no problem with, but I sure do think its cute. Every morning on the weekends he gets up early with me and we have breakfast together. The other day I found out something sad, which angered me.

“So how are you going to make money now?” I sarcastically asked him for the fifth time

“Mommmmmm I’m going to be a cop! A good one too!”he cheered

“Oh yeah? Not gonna play the guitar like dad?”

“No. I don’t want to.”

“Why’s that?” I asked

“Because dad is never home, I don’t want to be away from my family. I love them.” he frowned

My poor baby. He has no connection with Adan because he’s been gone too long and too early on in his life. This is depressing to see as am other. I wanted to cry and hug him, telling him that everything would be fine. But, that’s a lie. I knew something was going to happen with him being gone all the time. Its like I’m being a single parent, and I don’t want that. I want my kids to love their dad, want to be like him. Especially his son. Ugh, this is so frustrating.

Diary Entry #52:

Adan called me today. He informed me that he’ll be gone even longer, and my due date is starting to draw near. This makes things so much more complicated. I’m on maternity leave, so I don’t have a high income coming in, like if I was working, and its only me here and my huge belly. I don’t think he understands or even thinks about how other people feel. Empathy Adan, learn it, use it! The most common form of human bonding! He either doesn’t give a shit, or is seriously totally olivious to this.

“Hello?” I answered

“Hey Bethy! I got some good news, and bad news.” he started

“How about good first?”

“Well, I’m going to have to be out here a little bit longer. I know its getting close to your due date, but I’ll be home I promise. The good news is that I got a raise, so we can finally add onto our house!”

“That’s great!” I faked emotion

“I know! I can’t wait to start adding on! We need the space.” he was excited

“Can’t wait to see you, hope its soon.”

“Oh, me too. I want to feel that little baby kick again.”

These were our conversations lately. Short, over the phone calls where he talked about everything happening to him, and not caring about me or the kids. I hope things change soon. If they don’t, there’s going to be confrontation, and it isn’t going to be pretty.

Diary Entry #53:

Soooooo Adan has been home for two days now, since I’m due in about a week, and its super awkward. I”m not even exaggerating on that either. We’re all so distant towards him, I don’t know if he’s noticed it yet, since he doesn’t pick up on things right away as you maybe know. The kids are the most distant. They treat him more like that creepy uncle no one likes. That’s how bad it is. If he sits down at the table and Josh is there, Josh gets up and moves elsewhere. Or if he tries talking to Delia, she just sighs and gives him that “daughter” stare, like she’s unimpressed or annoyed.

I certainly know we’ve drifted apart as a couple. We barely make physcial contact or show affection. Its sad to see this is what its become to. We don’t even spend time in the same room except for when we’re sleeping. Adan does his own thing, and I do mine. I wish things were different, and I don’t know where to begin to try to fix this family. I have a few ideas, but its going to have to wait until after this child is born. I keep kicking myself because I feel like if I would of said something sooner, this wouldn’t’ of happened, but I don’t think that’s true either. I need a miracle I think.

Diary Entry #54:

Hi again, I know I”ve been pretty quick with updates but, this is an important one to document. My third and final baby as been born! I am done having kids! Holy youknowwhat. I mean the labor and birth was smoother, but my body didn’t like being pregnant that’s for sure haha. My water broke early Sunday morning when I was doing some last minute laundry, I instantly called for Adan..just a natural response. It was weird since its been awhile since I’ve done that.

He called a cab, and we both piled in the back. It was a quite ride to the hospital. We didn’t speak to each other really except small talk. He asked me if I’m okay, and how I was feeling, I responded. That was about it. I’m sure the cab driver thought we were one of those out-there couples. Or just mute haha. All I know is I wanted to get out the second the car stopped.

After hours of labor, in the end I gave birth another healthy baby girl. She’s beautiful is the first thing Adan said, I wanted to cry. He for once said and did something meaningful, its been such a long time since that. He even helped name her. Her name is Taryn Elizabeth Shallow. I like the name Taryn and Adan thought of Elizabeth as a from of Bethany, so it gets passed down. I agreed that it sounds better than putting Bethany as her middle name. That was so thoughtful I thought. Made me smile.

We didn’t have to stay at the hospital too long since I wasn’t a first time mom, and I knew the routine by now. We were home by that night, which was nice since I don’t like hosptials that much. When we walked through the door and announced to the kids they have a baby sister, all hell broke loose. I think they forgot we have newborn in the house, because holy crap. Poor Taryn, she’s probably deaf now.

Delia could barely contain her joy of having a little sister like she wanted. She screamed and squealed like there was no tomorrow. Then she proceeded to list all of the things she was going to do with her when she gets older, and how its going to be so much fun.

Josh on the other hand was still excited, but had different reasons. He joked he was going to corrupt his little sister, and finally have someone closer to his age to hang out with, and that he could show her so many cool things. It was bittersweet, how both of them were excited to have a new addition to the family. I can’t wait to see how Taryn fits in with our bunch.

After all of the commotion, I knew I was tired and that Taryn wanted to go somewhere quiet, so I put her in the newly designed room. Delia’s old room, Delia has moved downstairs into a bigger room since she’s getting older, and well need it. As I was putting her down to go to sleep, I’ve decided that if things don’t change at all with Adan and the way this family is headed, I’m going to confront him, and really tell him how I feel. I’m not joking or just talking out loud. I will seriously do it.

Taryn’s traits are: Loner and Artistic.

Okay! I’m done with Part one! I”m so proud of myself for getting this out! I hope you enjoy it, Part two will be up shortly I hope. Also, Happy Halloween…its still halloween here. Hope you had a Bootastic Day 🙂